I always read the articles I love them. Each and every day we have to remind ourselves. Love BR Thank You for inspiring me everyday!!!! This month I will be years-old divorced. Recently, I ran into a man I dated nearly 40 years ago. I was very hurt by our relationship. I got pregnant; he bolted. Later he blamed me because he suspected that I was seeing someone else.
It seems that I get very torn up over the men who have hurt me the most. Unavailable and the Fall-Back Girl. It is the only one that addressed issues relevant to my situation. When it came to me questioning where this flow was going to lead us.
This reality check really hurts, eventhough I broke up with him, the heartache lingers because aside from his lack of commitment to me in the future. He is husband material and is a wonderfully caring, compassionate and honest guy. How do I move on without demonizing him?
- About ‘going with the flow’.
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Myway Lots of men, more so than women, believe they need x salary of y savings before they can marry. I would be wary of constantly supporting someone else, though — simply because I would be scared of being taken advantage of. Another problem for me would be mobility. Around here it would have been very difficult for me to find new employment. They would expect HER to move with them on a whim… but never the other way round. Great post…probably my favourite so far.
Have only been reading BR for a couple weeks but have found it immensely helpful in dealing with my recent breakup. I only wish I had found it at the start of my relationship so I could have kicked that dude to the curb! My work suffered, my health and son suffered, my other relationships suffered. He wanted to go with flow, but on his terms. He also wants the break up on his terms. Live, love and know that you have support in family and friends.
I guess for me I had to learn the lesson the hard way. So thanks for the post Natalie. My boundaries are firmly set and will be aware of any potential deal breakers in future relationships. But for now, I am happy being me, doing things I love and spending time with the people I love and who love me. Keep strong mere and keep reading. The biggest thing you realized was the relationship was unhealthy and you needed to flush.
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This piece is just awesome: Today is 6 months of NC. All because I stopped going with the flow. At first I was OK going with the flow, because I was newly widowed and in the middle of a probate case, my 39 year old husband died with out a will when I met the AC. When I no longer wanted to go with his flow, he did the whole future faking and I gave it a go, with another go with the flow. Then I found BR and found out how emotionally lazy I was, I have worked and worked on a lot of unsightly things about myself.
The best thing are the boundaries I surround myself with now, so I never just go with the flow again. I quit smoking and started running.
About 'going with the flow' - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue
I take myself on dates and my daughters to pedicures! At first NC was not easy. I still have more work to do on myself. I guess I am a work in progress. I am really thankful to you all here on BR. I read all your comments faithfully every week. Glad you decided to go with your flow. It sounds like a flow of good energy has come your way.
I am also nearing that mark. It is actually scary for me as I have broken nc twice right about this point in past years. I know better now that thinking you can handle contact is a huge mistake. You are doing great! He was steering the boat in his preferred direction.
Thanks for another great and timely post! This is where doubt would creep in! Hindsight shows me that the other party always had hold of the wheel or at least one foot hovering over the brakes! Almost two years ago my LDR of three years ended it was my first relationship ever; he broke it off. Soon after he ended things definitely NOT a clean break! However, he was at least emotionally and possibly also physically unfaithfull with her a couple of months before he finally ended it with me but never wanted to admit it, even afterwards when i begged him for the truth because it would help me to know in order to get over it.
Maybe it had to do with me, because not even a year into their relationship they moved in together. I thought i tried to process it and let most of it go, but a couple of weeks ago my grandmother died, and that loss seems to have brought up all of this again…. Even if he moved in with that woman, so what?
He cheated on you. How does that look in an application for the job of your significant other?
http://jadhemarques.com/wp-content/guzukyju/1825.php Not so good, right? If she did — they deserve each other. This happened to me. Exactly as you describe. The way I look at it as such, if she knew about you then they deserve to be with eah other as they are both AC. If she did not, he lied and cheated you both. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Anyone worthy would have ended prior to becoming emotionally or physical with someone else.
All this being said. Oh, she definitely knew about him and me! Because i wanted to know her reasons for spending so much time with my then boyfriend, i sent her a — very civilized and polite — message through Facebook asking her just that.
She told him about my message and he was very angry, saying i had no right to question her integrity like that. And what we are is exactly that: And that was only a very short time after he came to Europe to spend five weeks with me! It all happened because i let it happen. Because i still believed that things could be better, like before, when he still studied in Paris and we were very much in love.
Never ever did i knew then that he was capable of treating me like that, nor that i was capable of letting him. And indeed, as you say very hurtful. I wish i could, but we also had some really good times together…. It helps telling it here, even if it is after two years.
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Thank you for taking the effort of reading my comment and responding. I should stop wishing for him to ever tell the truth or to admit that he treated me very badly. I should forgive myself for letting him cross my boundaries several times and for not walking away and cutting my losses. My ex is with someone lse and she is pregnant. However he refuses to admit this to me — most of the time I am NC. Hi Marie83, since one year i have been NC with my ex. But it has been NC in the strict sense of the word: It was also he who cut contact after he told me he was with her now. Eventually, i stopped sending him mails he — i assume almost never — read.